Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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