i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
