he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
