you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
