Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
