Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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