I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
