Michael Bay diarrhea
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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