How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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