I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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