Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
