I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
