the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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