they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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