just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
