If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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