I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
