so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Four minutes until I can fart!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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