I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
