Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
