o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
