I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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