Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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