I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
