Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
