we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
