Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it was like eating out sand paper
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
