So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
