What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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