my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
