Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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