So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
