porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
