He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
