my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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