its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
