What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
