Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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