omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
