So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
