yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
