Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
