Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
