You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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