too bad you live with your parents still
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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