if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
zippers are such a cool invention
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
