He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
