2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
