I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
