just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
