Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
