a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
