ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
