I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
