She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
