Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
