i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
