hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
