i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
