The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
