Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
