Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
