I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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