did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
