i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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