Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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