Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jerry, you need to find god
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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