i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
where does the pee come out of this thing
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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