I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
