You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
