So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
