I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
