Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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