Don't EVER smell your tampon
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
