I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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