Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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